Post Collegiate Depression

All of the best artists always have some sort of creative catastrophe or ultimate breakdown.... Martha Graham went crazy, Jay Z retired, Britney Spears shaved her head, and poor Van Gough killed himself before anyone ever liked him. I mean, clearly I'm no where near comparable to these people, (even though I will be), but I guess I needed my own sense of personal tragedy to inspire my future works of genius. Obviously. Luckily, I'm not alone. I graduated with beautiful people who understand my uphill artistic battle completely. Even though none of our breakdowns or  seemingly senseless conniptions will be relevant when we're famous, right now, they are way too extreme. You know you are suffering from post collegiate depression (PCD, which is a self established term that I should probably patent before some medical company tries to take credit for my research) when you can relate to any of the following:

1. You no longer have any idea where you will be next Thursday at 1:00. Every college student has nearly every hour of their week scheduled. A lack of a consistent schedule is detrimental to our sanity. This brings upon feelings of uncertainty, which instead of making you feel more "free" makes you feel more irate.

2. Annoyance, anxiety, anger, and ambiguity are basically the only emotions you can relate to.

3. You do not, under any circumstance want to wear pants. There is this strange new thing about clothing I have noticed since I have entered post graduate adulthood. I don't want anything touching me. Clothes have become far too confining. Not only are you way fatter so nothing fits, you just do not have the energy to even think about putting anything on. Jeans and bras have become my absolute worst nightmare.

4. Once you graduate every single thing that could possibly go wrong pretty much does. You do not get the teaching schedule you want, your car breaks, you're poor, you have a dry scalp, low blood pressure, everyone hates you at work, people become way more ignorant, you're always thirsty, and your college calls to tell you that even though you thought you graduated, you actually didn't.

5. If you only scream or cry once that day......it's probably the best day of the week.

6. The only romance necessary or present in your life includes a boy, air conditioning or a fan, and t.v....... To be honest, you could probably do without the boy.

7. You're reading books about forced adoption in the 60's or the untimely death of Amy Winehouse because those are pretty much the only two situations worse than your own.

8. You miss dancing and every time you think of last year and your amazing teachers you start crying. This usually occurs in the car, in public, or while teaching your own children. Trust me.

I know that all of this is a massive over dramatization and that eventually I will be ok. I'm assuming I'll be fine once I'm famous. Which brings me to a whole other list of things I need to focus on:
I am more likely to become published and famous when I:

1. Write more blogs.
2. Eat less candy.....But then again eating candy makes me fatter, which makes my boobs bigger. And statistically I have a much better chance of employment and fame the larger my breasts.....this is how I rationalize all those sour patch kids.

It's been a pleasure complaining. If you made it to this point in the blog without hating me for how ungrateful I sound you are either an amazing friend or my mother. Regardless, thank you.

Love, Nat =)