Firstly, I can always count on Tegan and Sara to release a song pertaining to the very thoughts I've been having all week on the very day that they all imploded in my mind. Let me just briefly state that I absolutely love Tegan and Sara...... Forever...... Almost every song. I would date either of them instantly, but preferably Sara.
That being said, here is the order in which I love people.
1. I'm 23 years old, I have no real financial burdens and I know an unnecessary amount of information about an unnecessary amount of topics. So obviously I am my first priority. If I learned anything in the past year it is that you must love yourself the most, be brave, and be especially true to your passions. Recognize where you thrive and try not to let it scare you. We are all allowed days in which we lay in our beds and cry about it. But hopefully at the end of that day you understand and respect yourself a little more
2. I love my mother the second most. If it weren't for her and her sacrifices there would be no me. Also, I believe in getting crazy and doing whatever you want as long as your mom isn't disappointed. Luckily, my mom is pretty crazy, and does exactly what she wants. Duh.
3. I love my sister. She is the only person who will ever understand my entire life because she was there for the whole thing...... and she lived it too.
4. Then the rest of my family and the friends whom I elect to be my family. I will also say that I was graced with the most wonderful friends and I have no idea how I got so lucky =)
5. Beyonce. Enough said.
So where does the love of my life fit in? Do I get a soul mate? I'm really not sure. Ever since you're little you wait for the prince and God help the girl that waits for her princess.......We are born thinking that we get to have the wedding and be just like our parents. Luckily, I was a feminist since birth and never once cared about boyfriends or weddings, but let's stick with the generalizations. So you get to high school and you hold hands, find body parts and fall in love. After however long that has taken you inevitably and far too often irreversibly get your heart broken. You would think you've learned your lesson.....but you didn't. You'll go in circles with the same one, or even a new one and repeatedly make the same mistakes until your heart gets tired. Then you encounter the "you don't give a fuck" (except for you actually do) stage. This is where you fill your time trying really hard to stay "unattached". After a lot of fun, wasted time, and people who may have stood a chance, you're officially tired. Tired of thinking about anyone else and all matters of the heart.
No matter how jaded I've become I am still really good at loving my list of 5 people, my life, and especially rap music. Broken hearts don't affect our ability to love they affect our minds in the sense that we cannot help but be weary. We are defensive, controlling, and essentially scared. I think broken hearts can derail us from our dreams and passions, and make us less brave in loving ourselves. But I think that mostly, we've been approaching this the wrong way.
During the falling in love process we confuse affection with romance and romance with love. But the more I think about it the more I realize that true love is what I have for my family and elected family. It has nothing to do with hand holding and promising. Obviously sometimes it gets to that, but we should never have those expectations because then we compromise the possibility of genuine soul mates. For the people who I fell in love with...... when I thought it was perfect and I was all set.....they're gone. They left without a trace. So I have to re assess what I define as in love. Maybe it's not the body parts and emotional letters. We are never going to find our soul mates if we create a type for ourselves, or sabotage friendships before you even hold hands. You are especially not finding a soul mate if you go looking for one. All I have to say, is do not rule out the boy that's 12 years older than you, or the one you found at a New Years party when you thought it was all over.....=)
Another word of advice. Stop trying to please boys, girls, or our culture, and just please yourself. I know it's really hard and I try to save all of the girls I teach from the advertising, curling irons, and negative self images. But I know it's a struggle.To all of the people who judged my harry potter shirts, hair in a bun, sequins headband, and lack of knowledge about any makeup......I'm pretty sure I was right. Being genuine is really important.
Please note. All of this relationship wisdom is coming from the chronically single girl. Who has read every book in the Women's Studies shelf at Barnes and Noble and is more often than not mistaken for a lesbian.
If you lost me somewhere in the middle just know that you need to love your mother, invest in quality friendships, and be genuine. For any further questions listen to Tegan and Sara's new song "Closer", they'll tell you all about it.
Love Always, Nat
