It has become very apparent that at the seemingly young age of 23 I need to start considering retirement. Despite my hatred for retail I am struggling to find confidence in anything else. And as far as teaching goes it has come to my attention that every Wednesday after my four hours with the children I am extremely tense and sore......I have a feeling my choreography has become too real for even me. I can barely move right now, I guess I popped and locked it too hard, thank God I knew better than to drop it.
Speaking of dancing, I just watched the "Gangam Style" music video right now. It is by far the most brilliant thing I've ever seen. I was doing those moves 15 years ago, too bad I phones didn't exist yet.
But in all honesty. I am essentially writing this blog to avoid the e-mail that I need to send to my dream employer about how I cannot accept his offer because it does not accommodate my schedule. In times like these when everyone I know is in debt due to college, credit cards, or in my case the basic cost of living, who am I to turn down a job offer. I won't regret it because I know that I have my priorities right, it's just that these are big girl decisions and I don't even want to get out of bed.
I know that my future is not for me to know yet but I wish I had enough courage to see beyond what's happening now. Everyone knows that I hate change but for someone who's obsessed with journaling and meditating you would think I'd be able to at least understand myself better. But no. This is the girl that avoided dealing with her broken heart for an entire year, has worked at the same lame retail store for 5 and half, and pressed snooze approximately 7 times this morning. Shoot.
In other news. I'm moving to Yosemite.
I spent this entire weekend living out my life long dream of being Pocahantas. There is definitely something to be said for an abundance of tall colored trees, falling leaves, sleeping outside, walking in meadows, deer, giant rocks, boys that know how to build tents, sitting in the middle of a river, glaciers, not showering, triple layering your socks, the idea that my world came from an explosion and that in the end, just like the beginning, we are all made of stars.
I also just had a realization that after countless educational papers and so much time spent writing I am still not 100% sure when you should use "too" as opposed to "to". If this bothers you, I apologize, thankfully I was still able to obtain my degree, so it's all good in the hood.
My cat Katie has officially become my new hero. After years spent ruling the streets, regulating on opossums and various other animals, she has retired to a spacious box on our kitchen floor. She is happy napping, getting pet, and occasionally yelling at us when we don't give her enough attention. Our lives seem really parallel, I can't wait to be just like her.
I am so thankful for that job offer. I can't believe that super nice man thought that a girl with a dance degree, a really loud laugh, an affinity to all things east coast, and basically no experience was worth his position. I'm annoyed that I have to tell him no and even more annoyed that I can't imagine something better. That's ok. I think that overall, I've learned through my experiences of sleeping in forests and idolizing Katie that everything else is much bigger than me. I'll find my place soon enough. For now I need to focus on applying to even more jobs, remembering to always check my spam because sometimes there's worthwhile stuff in there, getting out of bed in a timely manner, writing my feminist novel, doing more pilates, and most importantly...... moisturizing.
"I don't run because I hear the train. If I miss it. It wasn't mine. "
Love Always,
Nat <3
